Sand and Stone

Why Failure Can Be Your Best Friend

Ma. Gia Sison — Sat, 28 Dec 2019 05:09:44 +0000

You need to acknowledge and befriend your weakness in order for you to come out with triple the strength you never knew you had.

We all feel that what defines us as individuals is how much our successes are, how many medals we have, how much recognitions we have, and the list just goes on. We tend to focus on these too much that we fail to see the bumps and bruises we obtained by getting where we are. You see I have been a failure-definer (for lack of a better term) but I would like to emphasize on how much it made me stronger.

Two months ago I was diagnosed with Heart Failure, and yes that happened six years after my cancer diagnosis which came as a shock. I am in remission from cancer but lo and behold my heart failed me. I have what you call Dilated Cardiomyopathy (I have a literally enlarged heart like a sac filled with water) and the ability of my heart to pump blood into circulation is running at 33%, the normal should be 55% above no wonder when I walk just a few steps I would pant and experience shortness of breath, it’s as if I ran a marathon- that bad, and so here we go again, I bungee-jumped from a doctor to a patient, and so I saw a friend/colleague and now my doctor and the first thing I asked was “What’s the worst that can happen?” and he confidently said, “I don’t think about the worst I’d always like to think that you will get better.” My family knows and has been very supportive and I am also grateful that my workplace is in the hospital so safe space, right? But after all that I have been through, now this? I literally got my heart broken and now it’s healing and oftentimes find myself hoping for more years.

I’ve probably earned the right to screw up a few times. I don’t want the fear of failure to stop me from doing what I really care about.- Emma Watson

And so here are the learnings I would like to share which hopefully would help you understand and in a way appreciate the road with detours and streets called failure. Five points, one love-

You are never alone.

That feeling of isolation happens and it’s terrible and it really makes us feel shitty but hey we all struggle, nothing is too trivial; every little thing that matters to you does and that varies. So, open up. Tell someone what you’re feeling. I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone about my new condition but as I write this piece I just felt the inspiration to do so, maybe, just maybe it may help a crushed heart and soul or two.

You matter, you really do.

Sometimes thoughts aren’t facts, they can change, they can go away based on how we perceive them to be. On days when I’m at my lowest, it’s probably because I’m responding to an accumulation of physical and emotional challenges, at times subconsciously.

When I add all these things up, it really leads to negative emotions and with that comes every negative thought that floats through my brain as if it were real. But, come to think of it, they’re not. They are conclusions, and interpretations, all put together based on my present mood and biased perception.

You have probably felt this way too, you might think you don’t matter today, and perhaps you did yesterday, and the many days before that too. But those thoughts do not necessarily have to be your reality, it may be rooted in some deep cause but it doesn’t invalidate your existence, because at the end of it all- you matter.

The opinion of others should not define you. Choose the ones that will make you better and feel better about yourself.

In this day and age everybody seems to have an opinion on how you should be, what you should do and worst who you should become, but that isn’t the case, and I’m not driving at a paradigm of totally shutting yourself out from feedback from others, but once you do open up to that listen to the people who matter and those who truly care.

It can really be difficult to understand the core of who we believe we are, and why we do what we do, but even if you’ve just started on the acknowledgment that you’ve begun your long road to healing, that in itself is enough and know that you can, in time, learn to let it just go.

Doing your best is more than enough, it’s the best.

I have reached a point in my life when I take on tasks and advocacies that matter and that once I get into it I just do my best and not really try so hard to prove myself to others because deep inside of me I know that I have done what I should with good intentions and performed at the best of my capacity. After all, failure builds your ability to do better and that’s one thing we have to build on. Just do it, if it works then good, if it doesn’t it isn’t the end of the world. Life goes on.

You have done so much for others; you just don’t know.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you’ll be criticized anyway.” Just be kind to others and yourself, never mind what others would say as long as you have your good intentions with you and realize that even if they don’t blatantly talk about you and what you have done (nothing small), you have been their version of a blessing. In fact, when you do good just do it and forget about it; that’s the true value of sincerity.

As someone once said “Never think you don’t have an impact. Your fingerprints can’t be wiped away from the little marks of kindness that you’ve left behind.”

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If there’s one thing I’ve learned over these past months of another diagnosis, it’s that beliefs precede actions, which then confirm beliefs. If you believe you won’t heal then you won’t if you think you can’t then you really wouldn’t get anywhere. Life is indeed short to drown on the “cannot”, just go for it so you may truly live a life that can. As of this writing, I am doing well, my heart’s healing and I’ll forever be thankful because I know that I’m right where I should be.

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The Different Types of People You Meet in The Airport

Ma. Gia Sison — Sat, 03 Aug 2019 03:17:21 +0000

I have probably wanted to write about this for quite some time now but I just couldn’t find the inspiration, now writing about this at this moment since I recalled my last local travel and it’s been a recurrent thought in my mind so here it goes. Airports or terminal stops are places where various types of individuals converge into specific destinations for vacation, work or family-related duties. I kind of enumerated the ones I have personally observed and opposite the stories that may be behind them.

First, you meet the one who doesn’t seem to want to leave, the one that perennially stays at the departure area and closely sticks by his or her loved ones and wanting to hold back leaving but the need is real. You see, the vulnerability of one’s persona is shown when one needs to choose between letting go or staying. In the majority of cases, it is always difficult to let go but in some, it may be the best thing to do for the good of one’s self which in turns converts into something good also for the other. We may not see it now but eventually, life will always manifest its purpose to us if we truly listen.

Second, you meet the dedicated businessman or woman who quickly positions him or herself in the nearest laptop station, when you look close enough they’re either finishing a project to present or send email responses to those who will be left behind or work correspondents. Life will always be busy for these individuals; some may even say that they barely have time. You see if you really want to you will make time for what truly matters. One doesn’t live to work, instead one works to live. Bu this is not to invalidate individuals who really are happy in what they do.

Third, the backpackers and those looking forward to taking a vacation, these are individuals that seem to have realized that there’s more to life than just being stuck at home or work or maybe even school and that there’s so much happiness in spending time with the people that matters. In this day and age where technology is here to stay it’s still “humane” to stay connected in a human way and literally stay in touch. Communication and conversations are so underrated that we fail to acknowledge that we still go back to them as a basic means to keep relationships dynamic and to keep ourselves grounded.

Fourth, the couple who are either honeymooners or get-away ones, they travel because of spending quality time together in a place far from home. Sometimes we all need to resort to that recluse that there is more to another place than just its sights, going to another place can allow you to reconnect and reflect upon yourselves.

Fifth, the lone travelers, remember the film “Eat, Pray and Love”; we all need that type of get-away at times, something that will trigger us into hearing our inner voice and reset ourselves. They travel light, just a piece of baggage enough for them to carry alone but within them are loads of stories to tell. They are constantly soul searchers, not to disregard also the fact that they love and prefer to travel alone. In this chaotic world that we live in there is an increasing need to disconnect to further stay within ourselves.

“We, in all our vulnerabilities and seemingly flawed selves have our own stories to tell. These stories make up who we are and how we journey forward.”

The different types of people I have discussed earlier are just reflections of still a lot more that I haven’t encountered yet but enough for me to say that there’s so much more to a person than his or her external appearance, there’s so much more to him or her than what he or she does; within themselves are loads of hurt, pain, and their own fair share of happiness. It’s one thing to respect them and it’s also one thing to not judge them. I think change begins when we start looking beyond what is in front of us.

After all, individuality makes this world a better place to live in. What’s your story?

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How to Set Your Personal Boundaries

Ma. Gia Sison — Sat, 23 Mar 2019 04:49:11 +0000

I am a people pleaser, well a hundred percent before but after some tragic occurrence in my life I have learned to say “STOP” and “NO.” You see we were basically born wanting affirmation from others to assure ourselves that we are worthy, which brings me to this question- Does other people’s opinion of us define our worth? When do we say enough is enough?

Before I enumerate some tips to help you let me just reiterate that others should and never define you as an individual, instead you define you, you make you and the rest shall follow.

So, how do we exactly do that? Here are some tips to start with:

Set your limits.

Good boundaries are set when you know where you stand and having to know this doesn’t have to be so tedious, you may want to take into consideration what you can tolerate and accept and what makes you feel uncomfortable. Identifying those feelings may help you set your parameters.

Listen to your feelings.

Inner peace shouldn’t be that difficult when you just learn to drown and muffle out the noise externally and learn to listen to how you feel- TRULY feel, no filters, no justifications, just plain and simple you.

That thing called resentment most of the time comes from being taken advantage of or underappreciated. Sometimes it serves as a sign that we may be pushing ourselves either beyond our own limits because we feel guilty on not being able to please others or someone else is imposing their expectations on us. Never allow that, it may be diminishing our feelings.

Never underestimate the power of communicating how you feel.

Be more direct about speaking about your own boundaries. While others may feel that this may create tension between friends and family, I honestly think it’s the best way to let them know how you feel. We’re not mind readers and therefore we speak how we feel but at the same time maintain that respect for each other.

A typical example is relationships where couples might need to talk about how much time they need to maintain their sense of self and how much time to spend together.

“Givers need to set limits because takers rarely do.”- Rachel Wolchin

Your feelings are valid.

This is my favorite mantra. Whatever you feel, know that it is valid, it is existing and don’t allow judgment from others question that. The tendency nowadays is that you should be able to cope with a situation or say yes because you’re a good daughter or son or friend or partner in spite of the fact that you already feel drained or taken advantage of. It will even make you wonder if we even deserve to have boundaries in the first place. The answer is yes, we are allowed to feel the way we do and yes because of this you need to set boundaries just so things are clear from the beginning.

Boundaries are a sign of self-respect. Give yourself permission to set ones and sustain them.

Realizing how you feel is one, accepting it is another.

Boundaries are all about honoring how you feel and act upon it. If you feel that a certain situation bothers your norms and values then it wouldn’t make you any less of a person to take yourself to a level of self-awareness and act upon it, at the end of the day we are accountable to how we feel.

Learn to recognize toxicity when it happens and learn to let go of it.

Go beyond relationships and evaluate your environment because it might be unhealthy. Toxic relationships or environment are draining and while the phrase “no choice” exists, well, in reality, there is always a choice, you just need to realize, respect and proactively react enough to let go of this toxic culture. That is why staying in tune with your feelings is crucial.

Practice self-care, please.

It pays to give yourself permission to put yourself first when we put our needs first and set boundaries we, in turn, become stronger and more motivated to achieve the goals we have. Putting yourself first also gives you the energy, peace of mind and positive outlook to be more present with others and be there for them and when we do that we can be a better partner, co-worker or friend.

A support system is important. Seek for it.

If you find yourself feeling a bit “not so ready” in being able to set boundaries, then seeking help in how to do it will help. It’s like that math formula you never seem to get but when you get the concept of it everything just falls into place. Do just that and setting boundaries should be like a breeze.

Setting boundaries may seem difficult but self-care, self-love or whatever you may call it begins with that. You got to learn to keep some to yourself, don’t give it all the way.

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9 Mindsets That You Need To Change

Ma. Gia Sison — Wed, 27 Dec 2017 08:42:53 +0000

Shit happens, to you to anyone and the reality is we need to own up to it most of the time but I guess that’s what life keeps telling us, or make that life keeps teaching us. Our mindset plays a huge part in how we approach life as is.

I came across an article on Thought Catalog which spoke about self-love and it struck me pretty bad but in a good way. It spoke of self-love being ugly and having to face your own demons and that for me spoke the truth. We’d love to sugarcoat self-care and self-love as terms used to pamper ourselves, yes it can be but if we dig deeper it goes beyond that. Recalling the terrible days that have happened to you and days when you thought that you simply just can’t pull through, these are the days when you need to begin to love yourself enough to acknowledge, accept and here goes… move on.

Tattoo that on your brain, the thoughts that run through our minds play a huge part. Sharing with you some thoughts that you might want to get over with so we may experience that thing called inner peace. Besides, inner peace is a part of that thing called self-care, here goes –

“I feel useless, I need to be doing something right now.”

This stems out from our belief of being productive and eventually achievement that manifests as discontentment. Realize that you don’t need to be productive all the time what matters is the small steps you take towards achieving your goals and it doesn’t equate to getting pressured into productivity and achievement always, I mean it’s a good driver but don’t mistake it with overwhelming yourself with the need to do something at your own expense.

“I’ll be happy only when I get what I want.”

We sometimes put a lot of conditions in our lives to say that we are happy but I guess the key here is to acknowledge what we have at the present and just appreciate how far you have gone, happiness will always follow, that’s of course with the determination to hurdle the downtimes in between.

The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old but in building the new. ~ Socrates

“Inner peace is a complicated process, it’s difficult.”

We’ve come to the belief that inner peace is having no problems and just being happy al the time. My take on this is there will always be chaos and turmoil in this world but as long as in your heart you know you’ve made peace with your past and is determined that somehow you’ll make it, that’s inner peace. Oftentimes it is letting go of our pain and our baggages that take us forward.

“I don’t want to show my real emotions, people think I’m strong, showing it might make them think I’m weak.”

It’s a stigma in itself to label those who break down and cry as weaklings or even “crybabies”, nowadays with all the burden we carry on our shoulders I guess it takes a brave person to just be their own authentic selves. No one in this world was built to be strong, but we were all built to “build on being strong” as a result of the challenges we face.

“I don’t think people will like the real me so I’ll try to be different.”

It’s sometimes a given that we hide certain aspects of who we really are, how we are to others may not be how we are in private. But please do remember those people or make that your real friends will accept the real you because, in the real world, there is much value in honesty.

Old ways won’t open new doors.

“They say life progresses so I think I should be happier right now.”

Yes, life progresses but there will be bumps in the road throughout the journey, again, the key here is to appreciate what you have now and be content.

“Being and doing my best seems to be not good enough compared to others.”

When you can spare yourself of this idea you’ll realize that the seemingly competition of being your best self is toxic. Learn to love and appreciate yourself now, as you are, without needing to be someone else before feeling fine.

“I can’t seem to forget about my past, I feel it consuming me and I’m scared of it repeating itself all over again.”

As what I always say let not your pain define you, it was there for a reason which we may never seem to comprehend now but sooner or later just like any puzzle, the pieces will all fall into its right corners and places.

“People don’t seem to understand me, there must be something wrong with me.”

While it may hold true that self-awareness is also needed for us to know ourselves more please remember also that you, at times, do not owe anybody an explanation of who you truly are, you need to realize that people differ and that we all have different levels of perception. Let go of the need to please others to make you feel good, besides they don’t need to live up to the consequence of your decisions.

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Change takes time and so these beliefs, just like the time that was spent building on them, will also take time in getting over them so be patient with yourself and the process. Little by little, you’ll learn and come out a better person in the end, as always.

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How to Handle Med Life Crisis

Ma. Gia Sison — Tue, 08 Aug 2017 09:33:34 +0000

Disclaimer: I love my job. I love being a doctor and forever will and most of all I love my patients. I just felt the urge to write about a constant challenge, well very normal in the road to becoming an MD and some tips on how to overcome them, and so here goes –

Have you ever felt the following –?

Duty days feel like forever, you’re just about to start the day but wishing it already is about to end and you just want to go home and nurture your relationship with your bed.
You find your thoughts wandering into questions like- “Am I really meant for this?” “I don’t think I’m for this.”
You’re totally lost, not literally, but you just feel like you’re stuck.
You sometimes question if what you’re actually doing will lead to anything fruitful.
You find yourself so stuck that you can’t think.
It always seems to be “one of those days.”

Well if you ever felt or still feel that way and you’re in medical school then you’re probably suffering from a diagnosis of Med Life Crisis, nope I didn’t misspell it, it is what it is.

I probably mentioned on my previous blog posts that I never had any ambition other than to be a doctor way back then. I was driven and filled with purpose but I was so frustrated when I was in my fourth year of medical school, that’s the usual year when we begin going on hospital duties. It was all good until one day I found myself demotivated and well, just STUCK. I hated the feeling, I was supposed to want to be a good doctor, right? But why the sudden feeling of self-doubt? Although I didn’t allow it to overcome my duty as a medical clerk back then I still didn’t understand why I had those thoughts, and when I did self-internalization I didn’t have any other issue except med life-related challenges add to that the fact that it was both physically and emotionally draining having to go on 24-36 hour duties then.

But as they say, there is always a purpose behind anything we encounter, here are some lessons I have learned –

You don’t need to have everything figured out.

Sometimes all you need is a little dash of patience, it can’t come like instant noodles, the more you squeeze your brain for answers the more it will evade you, besides the journey of having it all figured out is the whole meaning of what life is.

You can move forward by just staying where you are.

Movement doesn’t mean literally propelled to walk forward, sometimes it can happen when you’re just present at the moment.

Don’t fall into the habit of comparing yourself to others.

We are all made to be individuals, on our own. The pattern of one’s life is unique just like our own DNA, we all have unique codes and we’re made to be someone greater apart from ourselves and not others.

Remember why you started in the first place.

Whenever you come to a point where it gets tired and draining it’s nice to reground yourself by asking your primary purpose on why you’re doing what you’re doing.

Go back to the time when you really wanted to be a doctor then and appreciate the present and look forward to the many patients that need you. Purpose-filled life, right?

Starve your distractions. Feed your focus.

At the end of the day it’s really all about how much of yourself are you willing to give to others and how much of you are you willing to keep to yourself; it’s all about drowning the noise of the world and listening to your heart and what it’s saying. We all reach crossroads in one way or the other, even the most goal-oriented individual does, but what we do right on that fork where we may either turn right or left is what matters and whatever path you choose, make sure it’s what you really want and hey, enjoy the journey, in this case, the road to MD.

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On Finding Purpose in Life

Ma. Gia Sison — Thu, 13 Jul 2017 08:30:44 +0000

I recall a lot of lessons which I should have learned then when I was so much younger but growth is a dynamic process thus the learnings should never stop, even if we are all biologically advancing in age. And so, I realized that the meaning of life is something you create and not find. We often look for meaning in our lives unknowingly subjecting ourselves to something that’s passive, we wait for it to pass by but we miss on the fact that meaning comes in when we begin to create the moments that lead to this, it does not come in a silver platter ready to be served, we need to act on it to make it happen.

I realized that we are all flawed and broken but that’s essentially what growth is all about. We are all broken and scarred but the real meaning of all the pain and struggles we undergo is for us to learn, and keep learning and eventually gain the strength we need to move forward.

It is important to find and get hold of our passion, but this one takes time, and curiosity into something may lead you towards finding your real passion. As what Elizabeth Gilbert said – “If you can let go of passion and follow your curiosity, your curiosity just might lead you to your passion.” Your heart will tell you once you find it.

The greatest lessons in life are usually learned during the worst times and worst mistakes.

Live in the present. Don’t fret about the past, though sometimes looking back can work as a reminder of how far you have gone. Look forward to the future. Our mind works in a way that it loves pulling our attention from the present moment that we tend to forget that we’re living on it. Overthinking can ruin everything so try to get the flow of what the present brings. A full experience happens when your mind and body are present at the moment and not one without the other. Experience life fully and look forward to the goals you have set to move forward to your future.

Everyone is doing the best they can. Everyone no matter how they may seem to be is doing their best each day. No position to judge because we wouldn’t really know what they’re going through. Everyone is fighting their own battles. We all try to get by each and every single day in spite of the challenges and that in itself is such a great feat.

Do know and bear in mind that everything will make sense someday. You got your heart broken. You weren’t able to get your dream job. You realized your friends weren’t real ones. The list can go on and on but here’s a fact, no matter how hard you try and figure things out now, it won’t. The reality of all these things comes into play in the future when you begin to look back and realize that the present couldn’t have occurred had not the past happened.

Rushing into things will not make it any better. Some things, or should I say a lot of things take time – healing and loving, to name a few, and getting into them in full-speed mode, match that with expectations is a recipe for a heartbreak which we do not want to happen.

Life hits us hard but the key is when it throws us a million ways of giving up let’s counter that with a billion ways not to.

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How To Overcome Your Struggles

Ma. Gia Sison — Tue, 06 Jun 2017 09:58:32 +0000

When life knocks you down, it’s one thing to stay down and dwell a while and another thing if you get up and stand and try again. Tough times challenges our outlook in life and really, there’s so much lessons it gives us to the point that it purges our inner being and molds us into better people in the end, but what does it really mean when we say – steps towards recovery? Here are a few suggestions on how, which I hope will help you if and when the need arises –

Give yourself time to grieve or to be sad.

I think this is very important when you’re undergoing a crisis. You need to go and dwell with how you truly feel, acknowledge the fact that you’re feeling what you’re feeling.

We tend to shove off sad feelings and that’s perfectly normal but we need to all realize that we need to undergo the “sad” phase to be able to move on and appreciate the “happy” days back in our lives again. It is during these times when we learn a whole lot about who we truly are and where we want to be. You heard the saying – sometimes you need to get lost in order to be found and that’s the way life teaches and reaches us.

Nothing is permanent. Bad times never last, good times will happen.

Everything can change in a matter of seconds, the sun rises and the sun sets, we sleep and we wake up the next day, it rains then the sun shines – this is the reality of life, so if you find yourself in a rut or again stuck as they say, hitting rock bottom can actually be the push we need to go up.

Be mindful of your thoughts, and bring yourself back to the present but this time with the mindset that things won’t stay the same forever. I’ve always been a believer of better days.

Things may not go back to the way it used to be but know that it’s fine.

I guess that’s the beauty of change, you know that it won’t remain the same and that with it comes along an internal shift of perspective, only if you decide to. Think of it as another chance to revisit your goals and yourself and eventually find out what your true calling is. Don’t fear change, welcome it instead because it’s the only way you can move forward and get unstuck – you get into a storm but be assured of the fact that you’re a whole new person when you step out of it.

A challenge only becomes an obstacle when you bow to it.

Make you a priority.

Ensure you’re taking care of yourself, good care at that. Sleep. Exercise. Eat the food you want. Spend time with people who uplift you, I cannot underestimate the power of support from them. Allow “me” time.

At one point in my life way back in medical school I realized that I was totally burned out and stressed that I couldn’t function and that I had to find ways to renew the energy I once had. Now that I’m in actual clinical practice I understand that, as I move forward, I am in no need of negative stress accompanying me every day, that above all before I care for others I needed to take care of myself first.

Remember that the learnings are valuable at the end of all the experience you’ve gone through.

Though I had been through a lot of painful situations in my life, I don’t think I’ve ever experienced a year as super bad as the year I was diagnosed with cancer but part of everything that happened I tried to re-think my own life and how I was living it. When we extract meaning out of our own experiences, recovery may possibly be faster.

Challenge makes life interesting, however, overcoming them is what makes life meaningful. – Mark Twain

So there you go, nothing in this world is permanent, what you have now will change tomorrow so as I always say just keep on going and driving on the road called life – the journey is good. Life is good.

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You Don’t Need To Have Everything Figured Out

Ma. Gia Sison — Thu, 25 May 2017 09:14:19 +0000

Ever get this feeling that you need to have your whole life figured out because you were expected to and deep inside you just want things to happen “as planned”? Well I often got, yes that’s past tense, that feeling always before.

Nowadays I seem to receive a lot of emails on advice on how to get things figured out immediately. My answer is this- you’ll never have it figured out in a rush, these are the times when you need to be both patient with yourself and your circumstance/s.

The pressure is real, add to that people asking what our plans are, when we intend to do things, and so much more. It progresses as we age biologically and professionally, and there’s also a certain expectation that we all need to take on a traditional work path, and that’s fine, but when it begins to get into us affecting our own so-called quality of life then we need to take a step back and remember that we don’t need to pressure ourselves into these matters, well, not at once at the least.

It seems to be ironic that the older I get, the more I realize that there are still a lot of things I want to do in my life, add to that a training that I really want to get myself into but I need to tame my mind and heart of the dynamism of life and not fail to appreciate what I have on hand, at the present. There are two sides to every struggle when it comes to life decisions – strategic and just plain bold risk-taking.

And so here are my thoughts just in case you find yourself stuck at the moment –

It’s okay to not know your purpose or path immediately.

Time does exist so take advantage of it, I know I’ve been speaking about having to value time but in some cases you just have to accept the fact that some things take much time.

Right after I passed the medical boards I had to earn a bit by moonlighting (term used when we take on jobs that’s not yet specialized), I was deadset on becoming a surgeon but things kind of took a twist when during these times when I worked I met a lot of people who all provided different perspectives, learnings and knowledge thus leading me to the specialty I now have which is Occupational Medicine. It was far from what I wanted but I am grateful for that time I was given to go over decisions I had to make. No regrets.

People’s opinions, while it may be of help, are only secondary, don’t get drowned on it.

One of the things people struggle about is worrying about what other people think, yup that’s reality, the most independent person in the world have, at one time, worried about this. Most of the people I encountered while working on moonlighting jobs before told me that they were more scared of what other people would say instead of their own failure as an individual. This came as a surprise but I guess this also forms part of the affirmation we need as human beings. As they say affirmation feeds our egos and this somehow keeps us going; but look at it from a different perspective – these people wouldn’t have to deal with the results of the decisions you make so why even bother putting much weight on it, they’re not living our lives anyway, well that’s the way I saw it which eventually gave me a feeling of self-liberation from what the dictums of society was. As difficult as it has been, sticking through my own decisions have been the most rewarding experience so far.

The irony of the human condition is that we’re so focused on reaching some goal, some happiness, that we seem to forget that the journey itself is where life happens.

We all hold a promising future, but don’t allow the thought of it let the present get by.

There may be times when we get too engrossed in believing that we need to know what we’re going to do that we fail to hold on to the present. We get scared that things won’t work out, that we’ll fail not only ourselves but others too, and this eventually leads to never truly getting into living in the moment. We all need to give our future some thought and as they say envision it and “create” it but that thinking works best when we also learn to focus on what we have at the present.

So there, it’s perfectly okay to not know what you want for a while and even if it recurs it’s still fine, it happens – remember that life is dynamic. We need to get away from the stigma associated with people who do not have a clear plan for their life path.

I urge you to go ahead and explore as many experiences to gauge what you truly end up loving—which may happen several times throughout our lives, and know that at any time the course of our lives may change, serendipitous encounters happen. It ain’t easy, but taking a step forward is already great progress and believe that it gets you closer to that goal you’re destined for.

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The Things That Really Matter

Ma. Gia Sison — Tue, 23 May 2017 09:35:12 +0000

If I were to ask you what matters most in your life what would those be? Here’s my take.

Focus on what really matters because time is even more than gold, it’s all there is.

Living a life necessitates much needed commodities and I’m not speaking of the basic ones, I’m speaking of those that really matter in the end.

After my bout with cancer it kind of led me to think about the things that didn’t really matter to me, needless to say that you don’t have to have cancer or be stricken by a tragedy in life to realize this. I got to think about those commitments I wasn’t so passionate about keeping, those that left me feeling flat and unfulfilled. Sometimes it comes to a point where I know that something is missing but I couldn’t pinpoint what it was or is.

I started to question so much about life. I got frustrated with the thought that even at my age I still wanted to do much, but hey that’s what living is all about, you find yourself weighing what you thought you wanted versus the ones you actually wanted. I began to question what I was really seeking, if the path I was taking would get me to where I wanted to be, if the people that surrounded me can support me emotionally along the way. I began to question my own definition of success.

I have attached a poem written by Michael Josephson which I hope you’ll take the time to read.

Well with all these thoughts in my mind it kind of led me to four major “must-haves” in life which for me are really priceless. A run down on four things that matters –

Finding one’s purpose

Purpose answers the whys we have in life. Purpose gives us focus. Purpose is our driver, without it our passion will feel like running around like a headless chicken. And that’s what we have to stay in tuned for always. All of us have a purpose, we just need to tap that from within, the paths that lead you to it may be tough but once you get the hang of it, the possibilities will be endless. This “why” will keep us going when life gets rough and tough.

Our why gives life extra meaning and richness. It’s that timeless question of “What do you wake up for in the morning?”, “What drives you to do the simplest things each day?”

Appreciate time

One day is made of up twenty four hours, one hour is made up of sixty minutes, and one minute is made up of sixty seconds; we all know the math but does it matter? The numbers don’t but what really matters is how we use these numbers to fill up the purpose we have set in life.

We all carry obligations and responsibilities on our shoulders but this is where choice comes in and balance or some form of equilibrium that will avoid all of us to reach the tipping point. Know that seeking support doesn’t make you less of a human, you can’t do everything alone but you can with a little help.

Health is wealth

It’s funny when I took this for granted, really the greatest regret of my life as a doctor.

We neglect exercise, proper food, enough sleep and the like; we find a lot of excuses and fail to see the possible consequences. I won’t preach anymore I’m pretty sure you know what I’m talking about, it’s just a matter of turning these to-dos into actions.

Embrace the fact that we need to be not only physically kinder on ourselves but mentally too. Our physical bodies were made to move, and not slumped down for more than eight hours in a desk. Our minds, on the other hand, were made to breathe too, in other words, start decluttering it and start prioritizing just so you don’t get too overwhelmed.

Value relationships

Relationships makes us feel connected, reminds us of being grounded. We need to embrace the fact that we’re not born to live alone. Our family and friends are people that matter, don’t again allow time to be the biggest regret before you put effort on them.

Relationships are to be nurtured and they deserve the love and attention they can get.

Living a life that matters doesn’t happen by accident. It’s not a matter of circumstance but of choice. Choose to live a life that matters. – Michael Josephson

And so there you go with those seemingly simple things that matter but they really bear the heaviest ones in living our lives with much purpose and fulfillment. Never forget that.

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How To Move On After A Relationship

Ma. Gia Sison — Fri, 19 May 2017 09:36:30 +0000

I was supposed to write part 4 of my 13 blog series on the lessons I have learned during medical school but I just needed to take a break to write on this because of an email I received where I promised the sender that I’d write about the challenge he is presently facing. And so here’s my open entry for you that you may begin moving forward starting today.

We all know that getting into relationships are actually risks we take, there’s absolutely no guarantee if it will work or not. I will park the ones that work and write about those that didn’t and have taken a step forward, but situations happen when the other party has not yet gotten really over the other one but the other one has moved on already. Get it? I’d take that as a yes, and so here are some suggestions you may want to consider if your EX has moved on and you still find yourself stuck –

ACCEPT THE REALITY OF YOUR PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP –

Breakups are really bad and we tend to cling on how tragic it may have seemed for us and forget how good it was. Try shifting into the perspective that it has somehow worked for you at one time and that it has empowered you in one way or the other but really, some things are not just meant to last long. You gave it your best and yet it still didn’t work out, it ain’t considered a failure it’s just that you both probably grew apart.

The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot fully move forward.

ONCE AND FOR ALL LET GO OF ANGER, BLAME AND RESENTMENT –

Here I go again with my favorite “leave-your-baggages-behind” mindset but it’s true. Dwelling on anger and blaming will not help you progress at all, it’s like hanging on to a large baggage where in you have a choice of letting go. I’m a believer of it takes two to tango, it takes two to contribute to a potential problem in a relationship, so learn to realize this and in time learn to let it go, for your sake, and for your own peace of mind. Let go for yourself. There’s no point in wallowing in regrets because what’s past is past, you can’t undo that anymore, what you have is the present and that’s all that matters.

DWELL ON THE GOOD IT HAS BROUGHT YOU NO MATTER HOW SMALL.

Dysfunctional relationships happen but let’s face it – you both have had a good share of good experiences too and somehow it has changed you in more ways than one, so no matter how difficult it may seem to move out of the resentment and hurt, try your very best to remind yourself that it has taught you to be stronger and better.

Shift your perspective and live in the moment. It’s a conscious choice to create the life you want and that can only happen with the mindset that you have chosen to see the good behind whatever you have undergone.

THINK OF THE UNCERTAINTY THAT’S HAPPENING TO YOU AS AN ADVENTURE

Somehow when you’re in a relationship, you feel that the “world” identifies you in a certain way – you somehow know you’ll be spending weekends with the other, special occasions and the like; even your social network statuses somehow change (if you’re the type).

But after the split up the uncertainty begins and you somehow feel like there’s a void in you and you begin feeling lost and who wants to be lost?

But here’s a challenge, try to look at that uncertainty as the chance to be able to create your own adventure, the more you acquire this mindset the easier it will be for you to look forward to the new life that awaits you.

That new life may not happen instantly, but you can start doing small things that matter each day that will bring you closer to the goals you have set.

Take care of you, that’s a necessity in life, minimize your commitments for now and take better care of yourself until you feel that you’re ready to jump into the bandwagon again.

Healing takes time and we don’t set deadlines for that but know this for a fact – when you feel that you have reached rock bottom in your life, the only way is up, and let this not harden your heart, after all love always finds a way to find you at the right time.

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