I was supposed to write part 4 of my 13 blog series on the lessons I have learned during medical school but I just needed to take a break to write on this because of an email I received where I promised the sender that I’d write about the challenge he is presently facing. And so here’s my open entry for you that you may begin moving forward starting today.
We all know that getting into relationships are actually risks we take, there’s absolutely no guarantee if it will work or not. I will park the ones that work and write about those that didn’t and have taken a step forward, but situations happen when the other party has not yet gotten really over the other one but the other one has moved on already. Get it? I’d take that as a yes, and so here are some suggestions you may want to consider if your EX has moved on and you still find yourself stuck –
ACCEPT THE REALITY OF YOUR PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP –
Breakups are really bad and we tend to cling on how tragic it may have seemed for us and forget how good it was. Try shifting into the perspective that it has somehow worked for you at one time and that it has empowered you in one way or the other but really, some things are not just meant to last long. You gave it your best and yet it still didn’t work out, it ain’t considered a failure it’s just that you both probably grew apart.
The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot fully move forward.
ONCE AND FOR ALL LET GO OF ANGER, BLAME AND RESENTMENT –
Here I go again with my favorite “leave-your-baggages-behind” mindset but it’s true. Dwelling on anger and blaming will not help you progress at all, it’s like hanging on to a large baggage where in you have a choice of letting go. I’m a believer of it takes two to tango, it takes two to contribute to a potential problem in a relationship, so learn to realize this and in time learn to let it go, for your sake, and for your own peace of mind. Let go for yourself. There’s no point in wallowing in regrets because what’s past is past, you can’t undo that anymore, what you have is the present and that’s all that matters.
DWELL ON THE GOOD IT HAS BROUGHT YOU NO MATTER HOW SMALL.
Dysfunctional relationships happen but let’s face it – you both have had a good share of good experiences too and somehow it has changed you in more ways than one, so no matter how difficult it may seem to move out of the resentment and hurt, try your very best to remind yourself that it has taught you to be stronger and better.
Shift your perspective and live in the moment. It’s a conscious choice to create the life you want and that can only happen with the mindset that you have chosen to see the good behind whatever you have undergone.
THINK OF THE UNCERTAINTY THAT’S HAPPENING TO YOU AS AN ADVENTURE
Somehow when you’re in a relationship, you feel that the “world” identifies you in a certain way – you somehow know you’ll be spending weekends with the other, special occasions and the like; even your social network statuses somehow change (if you’re the type).
But after the split up the uncertainty begins and you somehow feel like there’s a void in you and you begin feeling lost and who wants to be lost?
But here’s a challenge, try to look at that uncertainty as the chance to be able to create your own adventure, the more you acquire this mindset the easier it will be for you to look forward to the new life that awaits you.
That new life may not happen instantly, but you can start doing small things that matter each day that will bring you closer to the goals you have set.
Take care of you, that’s a necessity in life, minimize your commitments for now and take better care of yourself until you feel that you’re ready to jump into the bandwagon again.
Healing takes time and we don’t set deadlines for that but know this for a fact – when you feel that you have reached rock bottom in your life, the only way is up, and let this not harden your heart, after all love always finds a way to find you at the right time.