Moving On: Where Do I Begin

“Try to develop an inner emotional or spiritual peace to balance the distresses of your body. You might begin by learning to accept “what is” for you at any particular time.” – Morrie Schwartz

Have you ever found yourself unable to move on from a past relationship or maybe even a past career? We all have had our own dose of those “moveless” days but reality needs to kick in – the reality that life will go on with or without you so you need to move on – and this in itself always begins with the marvel of acceptance as the first step.

I guess one of the most difficult thing to do is that of acceptance- accept what has, what is and what will be. We all experience extreme trials in life involving struggles where in what we want is what should happen for us to consider our prayers answered and sacrifices “paid off”. But you see it doesn’t work that way, if it’s not meant for you. Accept it or lose the chance of growing from it.

Most often than not, we have the sense that we should be able to change everything – our creed becomes “If it’s not the way I want it, I will find a way to fix it.” This is absolutely fine for certain situations. If you can change your condition for the better, do it. Acceptance becomes an issue only if it reaches a point where the obstacle starts becoming your own inner self.

Normally, opposite emotions “alternate”: one dominating now, the other dominating later. You will be able to discern your state of mind by what emotion dominates you most of the time. The tension lies on the struggle, the solution lies on accepting the result of such struggle. Moving on happens when you start to accept the struggle, embrace it, accept it and move forward.

Acceptance involves being able to realistically see the truth clearly, after which you determine whether your condition is changeable or not. If you discover that it is not changeable then it is either you accept it or you are always going to be frustrated and always pushing against the grain to no avail.

Acceptance does not happen right away. Expect to feel like a dependent child and an independent adult at different times. I believe that complete acceptance is more of an “infinite” level, what is more “human” is for us to arrive at a comfortable level of acceptance, which is more realistically achievable.

In my practice, serious illness obviously “robs” a patient of some level of independence, but I would constantly remind them that they should not confuse such “dependency” on others with being childish or worst, useless. The point is that most of us really have an inherent level of independence and dependency, which should be kept in proper balance. Balance is the aim and not total exclusion of either from your life.

Acceptance is not passive – one has to work at it by continually trying to face reality rather than thinking reality is something other than what it is. Some of us have brittle faith, in this case, you may have to rely more on your own inner courage. Either way – we all have to face the music.

Acceptance is a learned response. There is a difference between reaction and a response. You may not have control over your initial reaction to something, but you can decide what your response will be.

One does not have to be at the mercy of emotions all the time, and acceptance is the first step towards self-empowerment in realizing such. Acceptance is the key in allowing us to be free from whatever it is that is holding us back in what we truly want in life once free we can all begin moving forward. Don’t hold on too much on something that’s not really meant, at least for now, if there is.

“Accept the past as past, without denying it or discarding it. Reminisce about it, but do not live in it. Learn from it, but do not punish yourself about it or continually regret it. Most of all, do not get stuck in it… move forward. Each day brings you closer to your well-deserved destiny.”

I have personally witnessed friends who find moving on difficult, their challenges have been quite insurmountable, but somehow I would always assure them that they made it through and that in itself is a very good small step towards moving forward– after all, we are our own shield, protector and healer. Adversity is the best teacher.

Here’s a mantra I always share about the law of attraction – Promise yourself… to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind… to talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet… to make all your friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them… to look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true… to think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best… to be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own… to forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future… to wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature you meet… to give so much time to improving yourself that you have no time to criticize others… to be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble… to think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words, but in great deeds… to live in the faith that the whole world is on your side, so long as you are there to the best that is in you.

On facing trials and difficulties the concept that an arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward, so when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that it is going to launch you into something great, so just focus, keep aiming and keep moving forward. Once the storm is over, you will not remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive, you may not even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain — when you come out of the storm you will not be the same person who walked in.

On positivity — Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and start being positive about what could go right. Just because something is not happening for you right now, does not mean that it will never happen. Remember that if it is meant to be it will be.

On the road towards living a life — Live without pretending. Love without depending. Listen without defending. Speak without offending.

On resiliency — Perhaps strength does not reside in never having been broken, but in the courage to grow strong in the broken places.

On real friendship — Do not chase people. Be you and do your own thing and work hard. The right people who belong in your life will come to you and stay.

Allow me to end by saying if you just look close enough at life and to the world around you, you will find someone like you who is on the same situation as you are in right now– someone trying to find their way, someone trying to find their self, someone who is struggling, someone who is frustrated, someone who is unsatisfied, and someone who seems to be “barely getting by.” You are never alone. Hold on and find the courage to face it all for another day – believe in your heart that someone or something will find you and make it all fine. As humans, we all have feelings and we all have our own vulnerabilities, we all need a little help sometimes. We need someone to remind us that it will not always be this way – no worries, be assured of the fact that someone is destined to be for you and no matter how difficult and complicated the situation may seem – that someone will find you. Moving forward is the way to go for growth. I wish you peace.

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.” All we have got to do is just DREAM then DECIDE and finally DO. – Dr. Seuss

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